Beauty says yes. You’re pumped. You’re ready. You both decide on a quiet coffee date at the local bakery. She calls to tell you she would be a few minutes late. That’s ok, you think. At least she called and didn’t leave you waiting. You sit at the round table at the window and a few minutes later, Beauty walks in. You stand up and greet her and she apologizes for her tardiness. “I’m sorry; I got caught up because my son couldn’t find his baseball glove for practice after school. Boys, I tell ya!”
Son, I thought? “Oh! You have a son?” trying to stay casual.
“Actually, I have a son and a daughter. My boy is 8 and my daughter is 5. I just walked them to school.”
“That's cool! I love kids!”
Skkerrrrch! Sure, you love kids. You love your sister’s kids; you like the little kid next door when he wants to toss the football, you even sorta like the kid who hangs out at the car wash. But, do you love kids so much you’re willing to date and perhaps form a serious relationship with their mother? Does your seeming admiration for children pass the litmus for dating a woman with children? Here are nine important points to consider when becoming romantically involved with a mother.
- Have patience. Patience from you will make her feel relieved. Taking baby steps is the name of the game when dating a woman with children. Keep the conversations relaxed but thoughtful. If she isn’t trying to go out three times a week and call you her man, let it go. Beauty is not in a place to rush anything; it is up to you to understand her point of view. She may not even introduce you to her children right away. Many women hesitate to let you meet them until she is confident in a future with you. The latter is so beneficial to your new friendship. You will see that getting to know her better and more closely will facilitate the process of meeting her kids. Grow with her: become her friend, her confidant, her lover-- all in time.
- Manage your time. A mother has precious and limited time. She wants to see your willingness to cooperate with her busy schedule. Don’t add to her already stressful planning by giving her little options in setting up social outings. More times than not, a mother is not going to be available on a whim. And if she has to cancel at the last minute because of a home issue, don’t freak out. It happens (a lot). Let her see you’re in this with her, and allow for proper planning. When you exhibit this basic consideration, it will go far in this budding relationship.
- Her kids come first. Her life as it exists now is about her and her children. Especially if her children are young, she lives in a world of school, doctor’s appointments, sports, dance-- the list goes on and on (and on, times infinity!). This is where patience plays a huge part. If you want to be a part of her life, there comes a keen understanding you will probably play second fiddle to her children. She is charged with introducing them to this world; her duty to them is huge. If we could be truly honest about this, her duties are to herself first, then her children, and if you’re lucky, you’d come after them.
- Respect her and respect yourself. Have compassion in your relationship. Beauty will love you to the moon when she realizes your words and actions truly have her and her motherhood in mind. She requires honesty and transparency. Let her know what you are feeling. Don’t beat around the bush; say what is on your mind. She is a mother, accustomed to the most forthright honest conversations because kids say what they mean. Beauty can take it. Pay attention to what she says, she needs a good listener. When you show her respect, you’re effectively respecting yourself.
- No game-playing. Dolls. Card games. Puzzles. Board games. Sports. Computer games. Games. Beauty plays them with her kids all day and night. She’s exhausted from games. She is not trying to play them with you. Know that bringing the funny stuff is not welcomed. If you are not in a place of honesty in your feelings and intentions, exit left. A subsection of respect, when Beauty sees you say what you mean and mean what you say, she will feel at ease in joining this new friendship.
- Date night, party of 4. Unless Beauty has a plethora of sitters, her kids may join you at times (usually after time has passed, see #1). And if you want to in her life, you’d have to accept that. There are plenty of fun activities they will show you, and how it is ok to hang out with young people. She will be grateful you are willing to have fun with her and them, together.
- She has kids already. Her idea of dating is probably a bit different from yours, simply because she already has kids. Men and women usually enter the dating world to find a mate. Their hope is finding someone with whom to create a life together, adding children to the equation. Since she has her kids, she may not want more. Her outlook on a relationship may differ because of that. Or, maybe she would entertain the thought of more children. Either way, it is important to decide that together.
- Get along with Dad. This is important. There are many familial situations. If the biological parent is in the picture, you will more than likely meet him at some point. Your woman wants these encounters painless, and you should play your part in making that happen. Their father will always be their father, and if he is a good one, you will run into him at times. He, too, deserves respect. Give it to him. And hopefully, he will return it for the sake of the family.
- Beauty is who she is. Can you deal? She has a career, she has her children, and she has her own mind. Now, it is up to you to decide if you want to be a part of all that is her. We all know we can’t change anyone, the key is understanding if you are compatible with the person as they are. Now that you’ve read a little on what it takes to date a woman with children, you can decide if it is right for you. Beauty has a lot going on, and if you see a place for you in her life, ask her out on the next date. Maybe she will have some free time in the next week or so!